Starting day care can be a daunting and emotional time for children, and their parents.
How can you prepare yourself and your child? How much crying is normal?
Early childcare education teacher Heather McRobbie explains the settling process and answers common questions.
Photo: RNZ Insight/John Gerritsen
McRobbie says all daycare centres should have a settling-in policy.
A good settling process should be gradual and relaxed, she says.
“It starts with the very first visit, the parent and the child come to the centre and the parent stays maybe for an hour - as long as the child is still happy and engaged.”
Gradually the amount of time the parent is absent is increased.
“And then the visits increase in duration from that point but slowly - we’re always reading the child.”
There will be emotional and physical reactions from child and parent alike. A child is likely to cry or have a tantrum but then they normally settle down quite quickly.
Attachment-parented children find the transition more difficult so in that case a teacher is assigned as the primary care giver.
“We work closely with the parent and that emotional trust is transferred [by the child] from the parent to the teacher. The key teacher slowly builds trust with the child.”
She says parents should expect all centres to offer a key teacher who settles a child.
“It can be really short lived, it can go on for weeks, even months - it just depends on the child.”
Photo: Creative Commons / Pixabay / Kasman
In the lead up to a child going to day care, parents should start preparing them for a change of routine.
“Go through all of the fun stuff that’s going to happen. Prepare them for what their day’s going to look like and talk about their settling in teacher.”
Rituals around drop off are useful, she says.
"Parents can say ‘We’ll have a book, a cuddle then I’m going to leave'. Some children like to listen to certain music, a lot of children like to sit down at the kai table and open their lunch boxes.”
Parents should be precise about when they will return and not try deception.
"[Children] can become hyper-vigilant if a parent tries to sneak away and they also get really upset if they feel they didn’t get to say goodbye to a parent. Sometimes they’ll be more upset if that happens than if they say goodbye go through that ritual.”
If a child does get very upset when dropped off, it’s best for parents to make themselves scarce.
"It’s helpful for the parent to leave fairly quickly and stick to what you’ve said you’re going to do. Hanging around only drags the upset period out.”
She says once the parent has gone “99 percent” of kids settle down.
And if the parent is upset don’t show it.
“You need to be happy and positive," she says, "and cry when you leave."
The centre should call the parent a to let them know whether their child has settled, or not.
If a child is still unsettled after two or three months it might be to look at other options, McRobbie says.
