Christchurch terror attack: Survivors finding new purpose five years on

Survivors of the Christchurch mosque attacks say the memory is hard to erase, but some have overcome their sense of survivor's guilt and are driven to live a more meaningful life.

This year's commemoration of the 15 March terror attacks lands on a Friday, the same as in 2019. Friday's afternoon's congregation, or Jumu'ah, is one of the most important acts of worship for Muslims.

It was during these moments of prayer that terror shook Masjid Annur and the Linwood Islamic Centre. Fifty one people were killed and 40 others seriously injured.

Temel Atacocugu is proud of his small Christchurch garden.

"I have here tomatoes, cucumbers, you can see the little cucumbers come out and tomatoes, lots of flowers on it. And cherry tomatoes," he told RNZ First Up.

"I have a two capsicums. I like chili peppers. And I have a lot of lettuces and parsley and fresh mint. I like fresh salad. So we do lots of salads."

Planters full of bright coloured flowers sat in one corner, next to his charcoal barbeque. Temel insisted that charcoal is the only way to bring out real flavour.

"I don't like gas barbecues … taste is different. [Charcoal] is much better. Yes, I do recommend it to people."

Inside, his home was decorated with Turkish rugs, paintings and decorative pieces to honour his heritage.

"All my house, doors, windows, everywhere I painted myself and I like different colours. I have a red door, the back is turquoise blue and my toilet door is yellow. Bedrooms are different colours.

Temel was shot nine times in the mosque terror attacks. Five years and nearly 30 surgeries later, his injuries often flare up, but he refuses to let it get in the way of doing things he enjoys.

"Every time the weather changes, I feel so uncomfortable. My arms are so painful and my knees are, because of all the bullet injuries."

He said the pain gave him flashbacks to the day of the shooting, but he tried to stay positive. He plays social football with other survivors, which helps him keep fit.

Two years ago, Temel raised $60,000 for children and youth charities through a walk for peace from Dunedin to Masjid Annur in Christchurch, taking the same route the terrorist took on 15 March, 2019.

"I wish I could do it again, but of course it's a health issue too, and I wish to be more healthy, then I can do lots of good stuff for the people and for the kids, and raise more money for the charities."

In 2024, it was not possible for him to make the same journey. Temel is marking the day by going to afternoon prayer at Masjid Annur, just as he did five years ago.

Survivor Faisal Abbas will also be among the many people who will join the congregation.

Faisal was in the ablution area of the mosque when the shooting began. He was amongst the first people who called emergency services. Several people he knew were killed that day.

"I felt like as if I have let down people, and I would ask this question over and over again. Why am I alive, and why are the other people suffering, why did they die?

"For me, it was like I remember for that one week, I thought that I'm alone in the world in the sense that I even forgot my wife and kids."

But eventually he found solace in sport. It came after he reached a point that he knew he had to do something different, he needed to be with people.

"And cricket is one thing that has always been there. So I thought why not just register an outdoor team and have most of the players from Muslim backgrounds.

"In this way, the people who just like me, don't want to come out, might come out. And that's exactly what happened.

"So we have a couple of players who are brothers and brother-in-law of the shaheeds [martyrs].

"It's been really good. We started with 11 players and now we have 20 players in the team and we are still going strong. It's our fifth season."

Across town, survivor Farid Ahmed will start his day by distributing cake around the neighbourhood to honour his wife Husna who was killed in the attacks.

"Last five years, amazing things have happened. I was able to discover myself. Before the tragedy I was quite dependent, more dependent, I would say. And I did not see a lot of potential in me, but after it I realised I have to be a stronger person.

"I discovered that I was stronger than before. It has made me fearless."

Farid uses a wheelchair. He has been a paraplegic since 1998. He was with his wife at Al Noor Mosque when the attacks happened. She managed to escape at first, but was killed when she went back to save others, including Farid.

Husna did not know that he had already been saved and was waiting for her just metres away.

"She gave her life to save me. She left a lesson for me: I gave my life for you, for good reason, and you continue giving your life telling whatever you have for the greater good of humanity," he said.

Within a week of her death, Farid started writing a book about her.

"I was thinking of doing a hospital. I didn't have money. I was thinking about doing some other charitable work. I didn't have money and then I thought I could write so I should try that. And also I can donate it to the ambulance."

The book Husna's Story was published in March 2020.

Since the attacks Farid has been made a member of the New Zealand Order of Merit and was a semi-finalist in the Kiwibank New Zealander of the Year Awards.

In July 2019, while attending an international conference on religious freedom, he was amongst 27 people selected to meet then President Donald Trump in the Oval Office.

He has also received the US Secretary of State's International Religious Freedom Award.

"The awards I think is an indication, just a signal, that Farid carried on … doing something good, nothing more than that."

As for Temel, there is one thing that keeps him going.

"Life is beautiful, so it's worth to carry on. Life, we shouldn't stop. The show must go on."