Felicity Powell Photo: Felicity Powell
Warning: This story deals with conversations around suicide.
Right now, Aucklander Felicity Powell is in the US on a Fulbright scholarship doing a Master's degree in education leadership, organisations and entrepreneurship. But earlier this year she had brain tumour surgery after battling the health system for two years to get to that point.
She first noticed her symptoms shortly before starting her dream job at Rocket Lab, she told RNZ's Nine to Noon.
"I was out surfing with some friends, went to stand up on my board, and my legs didn't work."
She put it down to fatigue, but further symptoms followed.
"I'd wake up in the morning and I couldn't use my left hand properly, I lost peripheral vision in my left eye. I had a lot of bruises down the left side of my body because I kept walking into door frames," she said.
And then she was offered a job at Rocket Lab.
"I was kind of trying to balance, doing what I loved and what was a pretty intense role, and I loved every minute of it, but also having these kind of mysterious health concerns."
The journey to diagnosis was drawn-out, taking 10 months before she got to see a neurologist, she said.
"The neurologist who saw me took one look at me and said, 'well, you seem fine.'"
Nevertheless, she was given an MRI scan, and said at this point "she put her faith in the health system."
But she wasn't fine, she said.
"I would sometimes get to my desk, and I would have meetings, and then I would have to go subtly to the bathroom to vomit up my breakfast because I was not able to keep anything down.
"I had really bad nausea, I'd get spells of the spins. I'd just be sitting at my desk, and it would feel like somebody had tipped me sideways."
She was finally diagnosed - by email - while on holiday in Mexico trying "re-teach myself how to surf".
A week before Christmas she got an email From Manage My Health.
"It said, in no fewer words, 'intracranial tumour referred to neurosurgery.'"
She then had to return home, tell her family the bad news, and take her next steps.
"New Zealand's health system also goes on holiday shutdown for three weeks over Christmas, except for emergency services, so I had to wait for three weeks to find out what it actually meant to have a brain tumour."
While grappling with all this she learned she lost her job.
"And so, in short order, my dream job was disestablished, and the programmes were shut down, and suddenly I was left with nothing.
"I had to move out of my apartment because I couldn't afford it. It's very difficult to go job hunting when you have a brain tumour."
It was a terrible low point, and she said, she thought about ending her life.
"I had a plan. I didn't even know what was going to happen with my brain tumour, I was still suffering from the symptoms, and it felt that I had been forgotten by the health service."
Her family wrapped around her, getting her through, and she was finally assigned a date for surgery.
"The tumour was not in a very convenient location, tucked right behind one of the main blood vessels draining from my brain, so there was a high risk going into the surgery, which obviously I was well briefed about, and so we really didn't know what my life was going to look like on the other side of it.
"But I knew that this was really the only opportunity that I had for having a shot at an unhindered life."
She needed a post-surgery goal, she said.
"There was a marathon that I had been originally slated to do a couple of years earlier that I couldn't because of health reasons, and so I really aimed at that.
"It was the Noosa marathon in May, which was only 15 weeks after the date of my surgery and it was only nine weeks after I was signed off by my neurosurgeon, that I was actually allowed to run - I ran my fastest marathon time."
Where to get help:
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up: free counselling for 5 to 19 years old, online chat 11am-10.30pm 7days/week or free phone 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 11am-11pm Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm or text 832 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi and English.
Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
OUTLine: 0800 688 5463 (6pm-9pm)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
