When should I keep my kid home from school?

Whether to keep a child home from school - be it for mental health, physical sickness or tiredness - can be an anxiety-inducing dilemma.

This is especially the case following Covid-19, an era when we became acutely aware of our ability to spread sickness and disease to others with sometimes dire consequences.

Covid-19 piled on mental health struggles for students who were isolated in an atmosphere of uncertainty. It is something we are still untangling ourselves from with some students - and parents - seeing school as a little bit optional. Aotearoa remains in a stubborn battle with chronic truancy - a recent review found 80,000 New Zealand school children missed more than 30 percent of term two in 2024. More than half of those students cited mental health as the cause.

When should a child stay home from school due to physical sickness?

The good news is that we are no longer in the Covid era, where any cold-like symptoms mean a day home from school, according to Dr Luke Bradford, a GP in Tauranga and medical director of the Royal New Zealand College of General Practitioners.

"The colour of the snot is unimportant and so are runny noses and mild coughs and sneezes," he said, of symptoms that might persist for weeks or months in a child during the winter months without meaning they are sick-sick.

"If they've not got a temperature and they're not struggling with their breathing, and they're able to concentrate and they're eating and drinking okay, they can go to school usually."

There are, however, a few hard and fast rules to stick by for keeping them home with a physical sickness:

• A temperature over 38 degrees.
• A student must stay home for 48 hours following their last bout of vomiting or diarrhoea.
• Do they look sick, lethargic and with glassy eyes? They might not be well enough to learn, said Bradford.

What about mental health days?

Mental health days are not a mandatory benefit like sick leave for adults in the workplace. However, in recent years, some companies have started offering mental health days off to employees - a day to mentally reset and recharge so you can return to work in a productive headspace.

But it can quickly become problematic for children and young people as they lack the developmental ability to consider the long-term consequences of a day or days off, said Dr Melanie Woodfield, an Auckland-based clinical psychologist.

The parent or school suggesting the day off, especially due to physical sickness, is very different from a child initiating the day off.

"If the child is asking for it, I would be really curious about that," said Woodfield.

"I'd be thinking 'What is the function of the child asking that? Is it that they are stressed or worried about school?' And if that is the case, might we accidentally start an unhelpful cycle where if you feel anxious, stressed, then you stay away from school.

"That feels good in the short term, but it actually makes it less likely that you will get back to school after that."

Parents need to be aware that children can have trouble communicating exactly what is wrong.

"They are going to tell us through their actions," said parenting coach Justine Lamont. This could mean stress coming out as behavioural issues, a tummy ache or needing to use the bathroom a lot.

"Maybe the child is having trouble with friends. Maybe there is something in the school work that is hard. Maybe they are missing mum and dad," said Lamont, adding that separation anxiety can still be a big deal for kids up to about age seven.

It doesn't mean they should get a day off, but it could mean parents have an avenue to solve the problem, especially if children remain in a funk for weeks or months.

Emily Legg, a Tauranga-based parenting coach, said she would ask several questions if a child asked for a mental health day from school:

• Who decides if the child stays home? It ultimately should be up to the parent.
• How will a parent decide this? This will come down to knowing your child well.
• What does a relaxing and recharging day look like for your child if they stay home? Again, this comes down to knowing your child.
• Why are they needing this mental break?

"In reality, for children and adults, if we are living with a balanced life then we probably shouldn't need a mental health day in my opinion," said Legg.

What if they are tired?

"It really depends," said Woodfield.

"If the whanau has just come from a tangi (funeral) and everybody is exhausted and it's an occasional rare event and it makes perfect sense that people are tired and need a break, I feel it's quite different to regular exhaustion after sports practice."

If your child is exhausted every Friday morning and has a calendar full of after-school activities, then it might be time to plan for restful afternoons or quiet Sundays.

Should I let my child watch TV on a sick day?

If a child is physically unwell, then we should be wrapping around them with a good dose of love, care and TV, said Woodfield

"If we think stress about school is driving that then I guess it should be really unrewarding, but not punishing," she said.

However, parents who are working from home with their children also need to consider what they need to do to get through their day.

"Survival of the parent should always come first. If you are surviving, then you will be a better parent," said Lamont, the parenting coach.

How do I get my kid to want to go to school?

The prospect of a boring day at home will help deter unnecessary days off. A knockout morning routine can also help, said Lamont.

Getting as much as possible - school bags, lunches for kids and parents - ready the night before will reduce stress and the chance your child will get the "wobbles" about going to school, said Lamont. Having a breakfast high in protein can also make a big difference.